Dari semua hal yang hanya bisa kalian temukan di Fakultas Sastra, semangkuk bakmi gerobak tanpa nama ini mungkin adalah yang paling spesial.
Bila dan Jika bertemu di Semesta.
Last night, he asked me to come to one of his gigs.
Seorang gadis berdiri di dalam kotak kaca, mencengkram erat gagang telepon, menggigit bibirnya, menahan tangis yang sedikit lagi akan pecah.
A spin-off from this on-going story I write “4: The Misfortunes of Us”
Please give it a read if you may 🙂
Belakangan ini Audy menemukan dirinya dibuat penasaran setengah mati oleh seorang senior aneh bernama Panji.
“Let’s not fall in love,” he said.
His eyes, two irises as black as a coal, looking out to the distance. He seems so far away even though the space between us was only an arm reach, even less. It’s as if his soul is nestling somewhere else, as if he was somewhere else (so far away, I can’t even reach), as if… he wants to be anywhere else but here.
Wasn’t he always?
“We don’t know each other very well yet,” His voice was raspy. Like the sound you make when you step on a stack of dry leaves during autumn.
We don’t know each other very well, yet. Sure, I thought. I only know about how much sugar you like on your coffee (3 spoons, or was it 4?), how much you love reading your old comic books on weekend, how you always woke up at 5 and then continue to sleep until 6.30 before officially starting your day, how much you hated to shave, and how you would hug me so tightly (so long) when you’re sad.
“Actually I…” he took a long draw of oxygen into his lungs before continuing his words. “…was scared”
Aren’t we all?
He turns his head towards me. Even now, when he’s looking straight into my eyes, (or maybe he was just trying to) his eyes were always seemed so distant. It’s as if he’s not looking at me but something far beyond me.
It seems like you’re here, but not. Why?
“Let’s not make promises. We never know what tomorrow may bring,” he said. “Please, don’t ask anything to me. I can’t… ever give you an answer“
But, darling, you are the answer to all my unasked questions.
“We’re as happy as we are right now”
Unconsciously, my lips curved into a small smile. Are we?
He turns his head away, again. He’s ready to soar through the horizon, again. Ready to drift away from me, even further than he was before. Ready to not fall in love.
Then came a whisper from the gap between his lips. A whisper so soft, it almost feels like a morning breeze.
“Let’s not fall in love”
The wind flows, caressing my cheek ever so gently. I closed my eyes and imagine the place he was always looking for in the distance. I imagine myself there. I imagine us.
Then came another whisper. This time, it was from mine.
Now Listening: Bigbang – Let’s Not Fall in Love
There we are again. Sitting face to face surrounded by the crowd of cheers. Looking close but also at the same time, distant. You flashed me a little smile. That smile. I want to refrain myself from smiling back but my body doesn’t seem to have the same idea. So without me even have the time to think, I smiled back.
Laughter was heard. Stories were exchanged. Nostalgia.
Our old friend cracked a joke; a funny one that made everyone in the table laughs their hearts out. I haven’t heard their laugh for quite a while. Their laughs, for some reason throws me to the long deep tunnel of time when life was as simple as ABCs. When nothing is more complicated than the algebra formulas our teacher used to teach us in the class. When we thought, we could handle everything in our hands as long as we’re standing side by side. Nothing will keep us apart.
Turns out life are not that simple, right? Things are more complicated than any math formulas we used to learn together back at school. We can’t handle everything in our hands, because the world is far bigger and more complicated that we thought. Even when we’re standing side by side, there’s still some invisible distance keeping us apart.
I caught your eyes glancing at my direction for a split second before that was broken when you turn your head because one of our friends called your name. It’s okay though, that split second is enough for both of us to finally realize something that has been buried deep beneath this thick layer of ego. That invisible barrier.
You never change, you said when the night ends.
So do you.
Four years and not the slightest change of you, and then you laugh.
Four years worth of time for me to finally realize, I’m not over you.
And then a hug. An awkward friend-to-friend hug. Arm slung awkwardly around the shoulder. Nose buried weirdly on the nape of the necks. Fingers ran hesitantly through the strands of hair. Heart raced rapidly against the cage of ribs. Unspoken words held by the tip of our tongues.
On that very moment we finally realized; something deep down in our hearts never change. Not even a slightest bit. It’s just us who refuse to acknowledge it.